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Glossary

In order of appearance

switch to: Alphabetical Order

Chapter 1
CCM
To Canadians, what the letters 'CCM' stand for doesn't matter because in Canada, CCM means "bike". A cheap, heavy, but generally well-built bike. Before boutique bike brands came about, everyone in Canada was issued a CCM at birth.
Life sucks sometimes.
Bank (Laurentian, TD, and others)
...are a jawless fish of the order Petromyzontiformes. The adult Bank is characterized by its toothed, funnel-like sucking mouth. There are about 5 known extant species of Banks in Canada. They feed by boring into the flesh of account holders to suck their blood.
The President's Choice Financial Bank (now Simplii)
A Bank as described above to be sure, but one of only two Banks in Canada (the other being Tangerine) to engage in their micropredatory lifestyle in a somewhat less intensive fashion, sort of like being fucked in the ass all the same, but with a smaller dick.
MBNA
A credit card company with rather high interest rates. Let me put it this way: if you're ever unfortunate enough to get one of these cards then soon enough one evening, hours after you've fallen asleep you'll awaken to the feel of the MBNA corporation rolling you over onto your side and putting its corporate hand over your mouth so that you can't make a sound. MBNA will whisper in your ear, "Shhh ... lay still. Just go to your happy place." This scenario will repeat itself each month on your billing date.
Pogey
Employment Insurance. Chômage in french. When you're working, you pay into this mandatory government scheme so that you can rest easy knowing that a mere 6 months after you become unemployed and have exhausted your severance and savings and sold off every asset you have (this is known as the "waiting period",) your provincial government will step in and award you a monthly benefit equal to 25% of what is required to climb back up to the poverty line. You're also taxed for this. Still, almost all Canadian citizens east of the Ontario border take every winter off to go on pogey.
Galen Weston
unfortunately named person who controls almost 40% of the Canadian grocery market (including the stores No Frills and Loblaws) and who as such, has apparently has figured out how to get around the Competition Bureau of Canada except when it comes to loaves of bread.
Leons Furniture
is a Canadian furniture retailer and a lifesaver. If it weren't for Leon's deferred payment plans, my family would still be sleeping on the floor.
Crosby's molasses
nectar of the Gods and the best thing to come out of New Brunswick since President Coriolanus Snow.
Harlequin Enterprises Limited
is a Toronto-based company that generates a half a billion dollars a year of worldwide revenue by publishing romance "novels" all depicting a feisty yet pure heroine being stalked by a deranged cardiac surgeon with a god-complex before being rescued on horseback by a dark-haired, millionaire Adonis.
Life sucks sometimes.
Nintendo DS
is a small foldable handheld game console. It is a children's toy, for crying out loud. It's designed to fit comfortably in your porcine hands with buttons perfect for manipulating with chubby fingers greasy from eating fried chicken, if I recall correctly how my wife used to play with it.
Lake Superior
is the largest of the great lakes and is the only one that lies completely within Canada if you don't count Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan, and Texas.